Life will never be the same again

Losing someone important to you is life changing.

We often think of 'life changing' events as terrible and to be avoided at all costs. From my perspective, I tend to do this because I'm a little resistant to change. I like things the way they are.

As I write this I realise what a silly statement it is. 

Nothing is exactly the same, from one day to the next. Change is inevitable. Everyday there's change and yet we are often surprised when it happens.

This is true when someone dies. My father-in-law passed recently at 90 years of age and family members were 'surprised'. It can be a shock when we lose someone who's always been there. We combine 'surprise', 'shock' and 'grief' and we can find the whole experience overwhelming. Life changing.

There's nothing pleasant about losing someone special, and your loss may be life changing, but maybe that's not a bad thing. I'm reminded of the saying. 

“’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” 

We usually apply this to someone with a broken heart. The saying comes from In Memoriam A. H. H., a lengthy elegy by Alfred, Lord Tennyson, first published in 1850. The line expresses that the value and richness of love and the memories it creates outweigh the pain of loss. Tennyson wrote the poem over seventeen years to process his grief after the sudden death of his close friend Arthur Henry Hallam in 1833. Nothing to do with romance, but a way of expressing and managing the grief felt in losing someone important.

The only way to avoid the life changing feelings of grief is not to fully love and connect with others. Grief is the price we pay for the love we have been gifted.

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