Toxic Optimism

I was born an optimist, or at least that's what I tell myself. I suspect my positive take on the world evolved through being a people-pleaser as a young child when my parents were separating.

Being an optimist has been very helpful. 

People like optimists because of their enthusiastic energy and focus to see the bright side, even in the darkest moments.

And that's where optimism can be unhelpful. We optimists are always looking for the silver-lining when the truth is- there's a thunderstorm approaching and we have every right to be concerned/anxious/afraid, etc.

Sometimes it's more helpful to sit in the shit-show and recognise that not everything is fair and bad things happen to good people. It's ok (and often healthy) to not see the world through rose-coloured glasses. If we are prepared to sit in our own discomfort, alone or with someone who cares about us, we can feel better understood.

There's an energy around being understood. We optimists who try to convince others to fix their attitude and put a 'smile on the dial' often don't take the time to get to know the individual, to see the world through their glasses. 

Maybe the reason we don't want to sit in someone's pain is because it makes us feel uncomfortable to see their discomfort. The temptation to sweep those 'negative emotions' under the carpet and 'get on with it' is overwhelming. 

The truth is we are lonelier as a culture than we have ever been and I  suspect part of that stems from being unwilling to sit with someone's elses pain and try to understand it- from their perspective.

This is where toxic positively comes from. If you have an opportunity to sit with someone else's distress, it may be helpful to give them the time and space to feel what their feeling. Then , they may be in a position to do something about it