Evolution of the 7 Year Reset

Once upon a time we spoke about a thing called the 7 Year Itch.

The theory was that after seven years we’d get tired or bored with our partner or spouse and start looking around for a new one.

Apparently there’s evidence to back up the claim, but I suppose you can find proof about anything if you look hard enough.

I’ve been aware of the 7 Year Itch for probably 4 decades. When I was a seventeen year old the7 Year Itch may have been more like a 7 Week Itch. Desperately seeking external validation in the pursuit of a new partner.

In modern times, I reckon the 7 Year Itch has become more of a 7 Minute Swipe on one of the many dating apps. 

Shorter attention spans and an unquenchable desire for immediate external gratification make this a realistic opportunity.

There was a television documentary series years ago called ‘7 Up’. It followed the lives and personalities of a bunch of children at age 7, then followed up with a new documentary every 7 years. I lost interest when the adults were 28 or 35 years old. Some of the similarities in personality from 7 to adulthood remained unchanged.

I wonder what might have happened to those children at 7 years of age if they were told, “Happy 7 Year Reset Birthday. Your gift is the option of choosing what responsibilities you take into the next seven years. You know that lie you told mum about eating biscuits? We can wipe that from your record and Reset it, as if it never happened. You can keep all the aspects of your personality that you like. Keep your friendly nature, your belief in the goodness of others, your desire to not only be open minded but also to learn new things. But you dump the less helpful traits that you don’t think serve you. You can dump your impatience, your short temper, your desire to be ‘right’ all the time. You can always pick them up again in the future if you think they may be helpful. You can choose self validation. Rather than rely on others to tell you who you are, you can tell yourself.

They may not think about it too deeply, they’re only seven after all.

Repeat the process at 14 years of age. That pubescent stage of life, hormones often rampaging, self loathing, bitchiness, body dysmorphia, plus excitement around sport, activities, opportunities and hope for the future. Again, take what you want and leave the excess baggage that doesn’t bring out your best self. Discarded items will be wiped from your permanent record. Happy Reset.

At 21 years old, this is where the 7 Year Reset could be really helpful. You’re considered an adult now. You have had enough time on the planet to have lied, manipulated, cheated and coerced and done many things that you’re not too proud of. Everything is Reset. If you’ve been to prison, Reset, bad relationships, Reset, self destructive behavior, Reset. Keep the good things and start from scratch with everything else.

Understand that if you do something stupid at 22 years of age you have to carry that shame with you for another 6 years. If you get sent to prison, you’ll have to serve your time and hopefully learn the lesson. You don’t get a free pass for every sin, but you do eventually get an opportunity to Reset.

There’s an old Jewish law that states all debts are dismissed after 7 years called Shmitat Kesafim (the release of money) . How good would that be? Possibly too tempting to borrow way too much, knowing you wouldn’t have to pay it back after seven years, but the concept is strong. The money lenders would probably have to take that into account before lending you money, but knowing you can always start again sounds like a great idea.

Unfortunately, we don’t have a 7 Year Reset in our society. But imagine if we did.

I wonder what my life would be like if I forgave myself for all the stupid, selfish, lazy, hedonistic acts I’ve done over the last 57 years? It wouldn’t matter if no one else knew about it. If I were in a position to forgive myself for past failings instead of believing that I deserve the punishment of the limitations I imposed on myself, imagine what my life could become.

Can you imagine what your life could be like?

If we, as a society were to start a 7 Year Reset, when would we start?

New Year's day? Your next birthday?

As individuals, capable of self validation, maybe we could start fresh whenever we chose to. 

Maybe we could start Monday? Maybe tomorrow?

You could try it and see how it fits. Write down all the things you like about yourself. Don’t be shy, you don’t have to post it on social media. This is internal validation. Your social connections probably wouldn’t notice. Then list all the things about you that you don’t like so much. Then draw a line through each of those characteristics you choose not to take with you. You can swap them for more beneficial characteristics if you choose to. 

The 7 Year Reset may not change the world overnight, but perhaps the knowledge that often our limitations are self imposed could be helpful. That we often see ourselves as if we’re looking from the perspective of others judging us. 

They’re probably not. 

But even if they are, the most important validation doesn’t come externally from a 7 Year Itch, or a 7 Day Swipe.

The most important validation is internal, and the 7 Year Reset might be just what we need.