Is there such a thing as Good Grief?

For most of us the thought of grief is enough to make us run for the hills. But is there a positive aspect to grieving?

Having recently lost a parent I have some first hand experience is what grief feels like. In spite for the similarities it's different for everyone. Mum died in August last year, and a couple of weeks ago we scattered her ashes, along with her late husband (and two beloved pets). I think about her most days, generally with a smile on my face and often with a tear in my eye. Before the scattering took place I was laughing and enjoying spending time with my family. Then on the beach, the waves of grief came rolling in and I wished I could be anywhere but there.

It makes me sad, even as I write this, but I wouldn't exchange my grief for anything. I connect with my grief, because I loved my mum and my step-father and I'm grateful for their contribution in my life.

There's a temptation to avoid grief, which could mean different things for different people.

Avoiding grief may mean smothering the emotion with distractions- alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, shopping, social media. The research suggests this is very unhealthy and can lead to significant physical and mental illnesses.

For others avoiding grief may mean avoiding close connections with other people. Previous grief may have led you to thinking- I won't let that happen again. A life without close connections is a sad life. I think we should do what we can to create meaningful connections with other people.

One day, I will die and I hope those who are still alive will grieve my loss. That would mean I'd had an impact of their life. I've told my adult children that when I die I expect them to cry for 48 hours, then get on with enjoying their life. My daughter did say it may take more than 48 hours (bless her) but she gets the idea. 

My hot tip? Tell the people you love, that you love them- even if they already know. If you have strained relationships, consider ways of re-establishing those relationships. If you have some bad relationship, think about how you could move away from the relationship and perhaps love them from a distance.

Most importantly, if your grief is getting in the way of you enjoying and being productive in your life consider getting some support from a professional.